Tubes Tied or Vasectomy?

by Melanie Edwards on November 30, 2010 · 17 comments

in Fertility,life

More Than Two Children?

Ever since we found out we were pregnant and expecting our second child, we’ve been thinking about whether or not we wanted any more children. The husband is set on no more, and I’m about 99% sure. But, there’s that 1% that says “what if” to me.

So, our discussions regarding either me getting my tubes tied or him having a vasectomy have always ended up in an inconclusive state. The fact is that I’m not sure I want to get them tied; not so much because I want more children, but more because I feel like it’s such a permanent and final decision to make for my body when I’m only 30 years old. That’s a pretty difficult concept to explain to a man.

For him, it’s clear cut. He doesn’t want more children and is content with the two we’re about to have in our lives. So, it’s an easy decision. He’s more than willing to get a vasectomy, removing the need for me to make a decision about my body. And, that’s where we sat for the past couple of months, knowing he’d go through with it in the future and that I wouldn’t.

Then last week, during my 36 week doctor appointment, my doctor asked, “Are you going to have any more children?” Since I’m having a c-section, he said that if I was thinking of getting my tubes tied, it would be the perfect time to do so because it would avoid another operation in the future. He said it’s very easy and so much better than coming back to him in a year or so to go through surgery again. Of course, he said, only if we are 100% sure we want no more children. I explained that we were pretty sure my husband would have a vasectomy instead. But, he suggested I be the one to get anything done instead of my husband. Apparently, a benefit of getting my tubes tied is a decreased chance of ovarian cancer – 70% decrease according to my doctor.

Over the last week, the thought has been going back and forth in my head. I’m still not sure I want to get my tubes tied right now and the husband is still offering to get a vasectomy instead. I have another doctor appointment today for my 37 week checkup and at this point I still don’t know my decision.

To tie my tubes or not? That is the question of the day.
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December 1, 2010 at 12:40 pm

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Gigavasquez November 30, 2010 at 4:45 pm

Like you, I made that drastic decision at 30, and ten years later, I found myself traveling to NC to get the operation reversed. I too had two children and said that was it. I had my surgery a few months after I had my daughter in 2000. By 2004, I had split with my ex and met my current husband in 2007. He had no children of his own and we decided if it was possible, we were going to try. So I had the reversal done in September 2008 and by Feb 2009, I was pregnant! Our son is a year old. I regretted having my tubes cut in the first place. No one has the final word. Go on birth control and who knows what decision you will make again. I am delighted with my son!

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2 modernmami December 1, 2010 at 7:17 pm

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m glad that you were able to reverse the operation and have another child! That is a great outcome. Again, thank you for sharing.

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3 Kelly Whalen November 30, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Vasectomy all the way! It’s easier for him to do it, and after having birthed children and usually taken care of the birth control I think it’s the best choice. nnTubal ligation can be really rough on your body while the risks of issues with a vasectomy are much, much smaller.nnGood luck making the decision, and congrats on your soon to be baby!

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4 modernmami December 1, 2010 at 7:18 pm

Thank you! I’ve heard the same and know that ultimately we’ll make the right decision for us.

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5 Raul Colon November 30, 2010 at 4:55 pm

I normally enjoy commenting on your posts but when it comes to Medical procedures i start getting dizzy! nnI guess it is a very personal decision so the most important thing is that both of you agree. nnOn the bright side what a great idea for your 40 week logo!

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6 modernmami December 1, 2010 at 7:19 pm

Sorry I made you dizzy! LOL Thanks for the comments on my logo. My husband is a fabulous graphic designer. ;)

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7 Sarah November 30, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Have him get the vasectomy if he is willing. If you are 100% sure you both don’t want anymore kids? C-section is enough to deal with and the emotions of having a newborn. I know I wouldn’t want to do that.

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8 modernmami December 1, 2010 at 7:19 pm

You have a point. There’s going to be a lot to deal with at the beginning.

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9 Antonia Blanca November 30, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Congrats on how close you are! You must be so ready! I remember those last few weeks. If he’s so willing and you’re uncertain, then let him do it. I had to have a hysterectomy for adenomyosis so that made that decision for us. But I had the hardest mourning period afterward. I wasn’t 100% sure I was done with kids and to have a medical procedure decide it for me was a very tough pill to swallow. So if he’s sure, I think it would weigh easier on your mind if he did it. Either way, concentrate on the baby – don’t put other stresses on yourself right now. HUGS!!!! So exciting!!! XOXO

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10 modernmami December 1, 2010 at 7:20 pm

I AM ready! LOL I’m sorry you had to go through that and were forced into a decision. You’re right, concentrating on the baby is what’s important now. Thanks.

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11 Liz C. December 1, 2010 at 12:22 am

That is a tough one, when you’re undecided. I had my tubes cut, tied and fried when I had my baby girl. It was a C-sec, so it was kind of easy. 3 is totally enough for me. I think it just felt right for me, to go ahead and do the procedure. Honestly Amiga, if you’re not ready, then don’t do it. It is such a permanent thing to do to your own body. If he’s willing to do it and get a “snip snip”, pues more power to him. (:

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12 modernmami December 1, 2010 at 7:21 pm

At least you felt right about it. I have all these hesitations, so it’s obvious I’m not ready to decide. Gracias amiga.

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13 Becky Horn December 1, 2010 at 12:05 pm

It is a hard decision to make and one i regret completely. I was in a not so good relationship when I had my 3rd child. So i vowed to for sure get my tubes tied. Here I am 6 years later. Found the love of my life and he is such a great father. I would give anything to be able to have a child with him. But I cannot. All I can say is make sure you are certain this is what you want before you do it.

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14 modernmami December 1, 2010 at 7:22 pm

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you regret your decision. Is there any way to get it reversed? It proved successful for the first commenter on this post (see above).

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15 Jenny Graham March 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Thanks for sharing your life with us.Wrong or right decision it is now worthless to think about it nownnnhttp://www.totalhealthguide.net/vasectomy-reversal.html

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16 Prashant Patil July 9, 2012 at 10:13 am

good post i like it very much keep it up!!
 

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